It’s the moment you’ve been waiting for! The marriage of our glorious blog with public radio – this blog post is brought to you buy This American Life podcast #511 (“The Seven Things You’re Not Supposed To Talk About”). Inspired by Sarah Koenig and co., we now delve into forbidden conversation topics on the bike. But our topics are sex specific – we have noticed that the verboten talking points are different for men and for women.
Forbidden Female Topics
- Mother. Fucking. Power. Boys will stop riding their bikes – possibly hold up the group – just to calibrate or adjust (are those the appropriate terms?) their power meter. We have heard admission that they don’t know how to ride their bikes without the power numbers staring them in the face.
- Granted, none of us train with power – but what came first, the power meter or the power conversation?
- Unless it is about how you eat ice-cream every night, we don’t want to hear it.
- Maybe we are all lucky enough to not care about losing weight; maybe we just don’t care about it (it is probably the latter). But no one with a vagina wants to hear about how you need to get to your race weight. ESPECIALLY if we then have to hear several hours later that you’re going to eat Jack-in-the-Box.
- The exception is when there is a rest week coming up; we are soooo looking forward to it, and we need one soooo bad.
So what do we talk about? It might seem outlandish to a male reading this list that there are other things we could talk about, since the above topics most likely make up all of their conversation on a ride. We talk about a lot about our research, grad school, feminism, and…sex, cats, poop schedules etc. etc.
To compile the list of Banned Boys Topics, we polled our counterparts. At first they said there was nothing barred; but we prodded some information out of them.
Banned Boys Topics
- With one or two exceptions, the UC Davis cycling ladies are cat crazy. We might even slam on our brakes upon sighting of an adorable feline. But the boys do not share our obsession with kitties.
- It is absolutely shocking that they do not talk about this.
Details of Sex-Lives
- Apparently saying, “I got laid last night,” is where the sex conversation ends when one of the boys gets lucky. Girls have a 20 minute play by play of their escapades. I mean, let’s get real here – what’s the point of hanky panky if you’re not going to talk about it?
- While the ladies will delve into the bloody details of birthing, boys do not like to consider stretching and tearing vaginas.
- On a related note, Jeffrey Bushchek having a baby. Just imagine the faces this man would make:
We can’t end this post without considering the times where your teammate steps in for you off the bike. Unfortunately, Judy lost her beloved cat Mr. Bayes last week. Last night at the Nugget, Judy emotionally broke when the cashier asked whether she would like paper or plastic. Upon expressing her preference for a plastic bag, Judy explained that she has no idea what to do with plastic bags now that there is no cat litter which needs to be cleaned. Fortunately, Diane was there to step in and explain that the bagger at the Nugget did not need to hear about the unfortunate passing of her geriatric cat.