As promised by the email screen shot from this post, there will be a post about Tinder pictures. Just in case you don’t know what Tinder is (Martha Wexler), it is a smartphone app where from just 6 photos and a brief tagline you get to reject or like potential romantic partners. If you both liked each other, you are notified and can start chatting.

Both of us have spent time on Tinder (yea, we admit it) and here is our unsolicited advice for gentlemen creating Tinder profiles.

  1. No Selfies. Selfies indicate that you have no exciting photos from real life to share. If the most exciting moment of your day occurs while looking at yourself in the bathroom, you are probably too boring and narcissistic for either of us. Swipe Left.
  2. No photos with girls. Let’s run through the scenarios.
    1. One Girl. What? Is this your girlfriend? Is this an ex-girlfriend? Don’t you have any other photos, or do you need to see point 1? Swipe Left.
    2. Hot Girls. We probably are not attractive enough for you. And we have really nice bums. Swipe Left.
    3. Unattractive Girls. Uhhh, is there something wrong with you? We know this sounds awful, but we can’t help thinking it.
    4. Tons of Girls. Do you just define yourself by having lots of women in your life? Are we just going to be a token person with boobs? Swipe Left.
    5. Your Grandmother. This is for a particular reader, you know who you are. Don’t use Grandma as a prop to get sex, COME ON. Swipe Left.
  3. Guns and Fish. We are simply not attracted to men in camo, and neither of us is comfortable with guns. Swipe Left.
  4. Kids. Tinder is for hooking up, no one wants to think about babies. It does not matter if she is your niece. Swipe Left.
  5. Cats or Pugs. These nullify the above criteria. Swipe Right.